Ah, Youth...
I'm having trouble with Wordsworth. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get past the fact that I used to loved reading poetry when I was in highschool - now it's just a tedious journey in which I try to pretend I'm inspired, but in reality I'm just lying to myself.
I'm exaggerating a little. Honestly, though, it's Dead Week, I'm exhausted and relying exclusively on caffeine and procrastination to get me through to the end of the term. At the beginning of the term my mind was always working when I did the reading for class. I could always think of something to blog about - I'm opinionated enough to always have something to say. But now I feel uninspired.
During class I get brief glimpses of why Wordsworth is a great poet, and I'll have brief but fleeting moments of enlightenment, but as soon as class is over reality kicks in and I forget it all. When I was younger, it took so little for me to be inspired or moved. I cried at movies, I read poetry, I went for long walks, I stayed up all night to watch the sunset. (That sounds cheesy, but what I mean is that life was so much more of an adventure when I was younger).
I still enjoy life, a good sunset, a good book/poem - but the moments seem fewer and further between. So much more effort is required in order to enjoy life and appreciate it. Maybe this is part of what Wordsworth is getting at in his poem - that as we grow older we seem to lose the mystery through analysis, but really the mystery comes out of the analysis...
Of course, I am more prone to cynicism at this time of the term than I am during any other part of the year. In part I think I just idealize my youth, and choose to only remember those "inspiring" times. Actually, when I think about it, I've had lots of great idyllic moments since highschool, but sometimes I don't remember them...
I'm tired and rambling. I'm wrestling with not feeling inspired or connected by and to the material in class, but I think that's mostly just end-of-term realities kicking in.
If anything, I appreciate Wordsworth's ability to make me want to take life by the horns and enjoy life. And if I blow off a homework assignment or two, then so be it. That's probably not the conclusion I'm supposed to make, but there it is.
I'm exaggerating a little. Honestly, though, it's Dead Week, I'm exhausted and relying exclusively on caffeine and procrastination to get me through to the end of the term. At the beginning of the term my mind was always working when I did the reading for class. I could always think of something to blog about - I'm opinionated enough to always have something to say. But now I feel uninspired.
During class I get brief glimpses of why Wordsworth is a great poet, and I'll have brief but fleeting moments of enlightenment, but as soon as class is over reality kicks in and I forget it all. When I was younger, it took so little for me to be inspired or moved. I cried at movies, I read poetry, I went for long walks, I stayed up all night to watch the sunset. (That sounds cheesy, but what I mean is that life was so much more of an adventure when I was younger).
I still enjoy life, a good sunset, a good book/poem - but the moments seem fewer and further between. So much more effort is required in order to enjoy life and appreciate it. Maybe this is part of what Wordsworth is getting at in his poem - that as we grow older we seem to lose the mystery through analysis, but really the mystery comes out of the analysis...
Of course, I am more prone to cynicism at this time of the term than I am during any other part of the year. In part I think I just idealize my youth, and choose to only remember those "inspiring" times. Actually, when I think about it, I've had lots of great idyllic moments since highschool, but sometimes I don't remember them...
I'm tired and rambling. I'm wrestling with not feeling inspired or connected by and to the material in class, but I think that's mostly just end-of-term realities kicking in.
If anything, I appreciate Wordsworth's ability to make me want to take life by the horns and enjoy life. And if I blow off a homework assignment or two, then so be it. That's probably not the conclusion I'm supposed to make, but there it is.
posted by Christine at 7:41 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home